I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
