how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
