Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
