I feel like abortions should bother me more
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
