On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
