I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
