Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
