but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
