I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
