Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How external is "for external use only"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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