K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
