you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dicks are not precious.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
