i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
