Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
