census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm passing your future prison.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
