Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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