I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
