I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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