Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
