"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
