i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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