We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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