I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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