I'm so fucking centered right now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
