the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
