That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They are going to name an STD after you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
