i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
