she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
