I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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