Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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