Screwed.edu
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
