FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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