If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
