he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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