Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm getting married
To pizza
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
