So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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