Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
