I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
