He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
