And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
