mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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