Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She bit a glass in half.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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