your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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