The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
