i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
