whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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