if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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