I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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