1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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