me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
