I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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