Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
