i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its liver damage thursday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
