So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
