Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
